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The flow of the liquid metal

You see, the internet presents itself a very willing tool for our amusement. Even the humorless souls amongst us would admit to the occasional comic benefits simply derived through events which as originally supposed, aren’t for the purpose of mere entertainment. Yet, in some cases, the son of man could swear they were made to humor us and we insist on being humored no matter what it offends. As a Nigerian, one of the basic and notoriously most important survival practice is finding a reason to laugh even if it means laughing at you own agony, just laugh.Some other times we laugh because we think someone is trying to entertain, and when he fails terribly at it we laugh. But when you laugh at something so serious for so long a certain time without a bow from the entertainer and realize it wasn’t’t a joke in the first place, you become the joke. This might not appear to you as a singular conundrum but I will leave you to ponder over that at the end if you wish.

A few years ago, mother internet gave me a weird surprise. A clip which I suspect wasn’t very new surfaced.  But it was my first time of stumbling on such a remarkable ridiculousness, such a singularly remarkable ridiculousness that I sought more information. My curiosity had no relation to investigation; I simply craved more of the content which made me laugh. What got me hooked? An afro keeping little man with a receding hairline and a white face remaking a WWE scene in what seemed to me at that time like a rehearsal ground. To me, that style of comedy was as unentertaining as it was novel. I laughed so hard when I saw the  man lift an 80kg plus woman unto his soldiers and slam her recklessly on a waiting set of plastic chairs. This was to me a terrible interpretation of a violent exorcism aimed at either mocking the flamboyant men of god, entertaining us or both.  I thought it a mean joke at first, then it amused me for its sheer meanness, meaninglessness and failure in proper execution of an even more meaningless plot. So I dug further for more entertainment and to my shudder, the joke was firmly on me.  Unexpectedly, it turns out that the man who seemed to me a low budget John Cena trying too hard to bring to life his fantasies in a weird show wasn’t’ actually trying to sell comedy. In fact, what  some of us assumed he was playing with was what he was actually doing. He is no actor, he is not a comedian, he wasn’t making skits to achieve internet stardom and he definitely didn’t’t have any beef to squash with any pastor. He in fact is a pastor himself or prophet as he prefers you have him addressed. And what I witnessed was not a shot at Nollywood fame. Neither was he having a crack at internet comedy, it was a real and typical deliverance session in Mountain of Holy Ghost Intervention Deliverance Ministry Onitsha. Like I said, the joke was firmly on me.

Nigeria is obviously one of the most religious countries in the word, fanaticism and eye service is a topic for another piece yet I feel the need to point out that it is the reason the shortcomings of men of God are placed very deep in our blind spot. “Touch not my anointed” is usually the retort you get for every censure or its semblance directed at an anointed or self anointed. Yet, my beloved smack down clergy enjoyed none of those privileges. And to be fair, no one can really be blamed for struggling to adjust to such eccentricity.  His name is Chukwuemeka Ohanaemere , which I am sure might be surprising to you because you think his name is Odumeje. He is different , we all laughed but it is looking likely that we might be the real laughing stock. The wish of every pastor is to have a bigger church. I know the official line is that the mission is to win more souls, but more souls translate to a bigger church so I am not entirely wrong.  The point is, he body slammed a disabled woman in his church and you shared, he records highlife music as gospel mostly calling his name , you download   and play for laughs . Are you not through your laughter aiding his agenda? You are my dear and there is no shame in that.  You don’t even mute your argument that he is a fake pastor, you noise it about.  Yet he is not interested in doing those things that will prove you wrong and yet it isn’t working against him. He speaks terrible English with a very reckless confidence, engages in very puerile shows of deliverance of which body slamming is the least and continues to relentlessly associate with characters that can only prove you right. Yet, I am sure you will begin to wonder, who are those people in his church?    Well I am no expert in spirituality but I will do you great injustice if I don’t point out to you the fact that he doesn’t speak in your conventional tongue, he invented his own. You must be on a particular realm to be able to understand the meaning of Indaboski, if you call it gibberish, I wonder what proof you have that what your pastor speaks is not.

The Lion himself is a mystery, we might not be able to figure out the source of his confidence, wealth and even power but think about it for a moment. Are his aims so different from that of so many men of God? Or is it that he maybe failed or simply not interested in the conventional style of theatrics? 

He is a real assignment to crack and a continuous source of humor. But if you look at the size of his followers and the level of affluence displayed then you will agree with me that we are actually the joke. 

By Ebubechukwu Ibecheozor 

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